you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
