it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
