Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
