You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
