no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
