Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
