Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize