Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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