We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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