you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
