Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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