I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
