No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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