So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
