i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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