I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize