If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Randomize
