We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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