My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
