I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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