Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
