plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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