Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
