I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize