every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
