yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
