I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i believe in u and ur pee
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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