Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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