I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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