Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
