Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
