I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
