I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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