Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
