GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
vagina is talking i cant
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
