Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize