hell yes lets make some ravioli
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
