i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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