Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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