So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
