But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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