I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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