You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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