Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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