i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
