Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
