Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
