I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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