barbara walters just said penis...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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