Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
