You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
