recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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