So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
