Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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