i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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