Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
