the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
