Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
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