maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I can text with my tongue
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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