What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
