before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
