cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
