I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
