I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
