matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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