ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
