Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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