The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
