the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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