Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
