i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
