i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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