Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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