i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
