he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
