I smell stomach acid.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
