is your mom at the bar?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
