my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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