i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
