you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
