he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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