she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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