this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
