just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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