I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
