I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
