I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
