i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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