Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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