How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize