oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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