I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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