I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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