If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
