Taylor Swift is so right about you.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
