For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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