Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
