I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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