3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
