i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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