my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Ladies don't puke and tell
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
