Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
