I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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