end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
