how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
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