her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
