Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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